Dateline Alaska: home of drug crops, smuggling scams and other shady goings on……………
By my own measure, I am a woman of many contradictions, beginning with the fact that the daily grind of all this cyberstuff is really starting to shit me.
I’m tired of being tired, but who you gonna call when you have no staff?. For one, they cost money, and secondly, you have to fill out a whole lot of stupid forms.
Where’s the carnival atmosphere of being Governor?
This not not being employed thing leaves a lot to be desired.
So, to distract myself, I have been immersing myself in dream analysis over the last few days. I had another dream about Michael Jackson and John McCain last night.
Begin dream sequence in my head………………….
Michael Jackson: You’re looking like a bit of a quitter Sarah – what with that resignation and all.
Sarah Palin: There is an unspoken rule you should never answer your critics Michael, but I am so very fond of you, and your demented child specific activities that I feel compelled to respond.
Michael Jackson: Be frayed – be very frayed
Sarah Palin: I was confused. I had to quit. I had to turn my back on my career and search for some greater meaning in my hollow empty life.
John McCain: I’m trying not to laugh at the implication that this is the first time you’ve become confused whilst disappearing up your own ass.
Sarah Palin: Oh look, the man who went up in smoke is back. Once again urinating some more gasoline upon the campfire around which we all gather Grandpa?
Michael Jackson: People!. Can we focus?. I’m dead, so I’m not getting any younger. And I think I’m getting a cold from this damn Alaska weather.
John McCain: You sound like someone trying to yodel through a bout of diarrhea.
Michael Jackson: I think your behaviour can be linked to the shortage of nuns McCain – since no-one raised and schooled by nuns would display such rudeness. By the way, are you dying on me old man?.
John McCain: I’m not dying. I’m coughing.
Michael Jackson: Oh, it sounded more serious than that. Watch out, here comes the dragon lady again
Sarah Palin: Can you guys stop with this gangsta shit?! This is about me, not both of you. I just want to point out that “resigning” is by no means static. My popularity is indeed cyclical, and is based on whatever kooky thing I have said that has captured the public’s attention at the time. So I might ‘unresign’ next week. I can do that, I’ve done some research.
John McCain: Research??. You mean you’ve skimmed the pond muck of your brain surface and presented it as some kind of informed opinion.
Sarah Palin: Last week I noticed my twitter numbers went through the roof. All those people are so interested in finding out more about me. They are Palinista’s. They are my flock.
John McCain: Flock?. You are a daft broad with no grasp of anything. I constantly have an urge to get high just to avoid thinking about you and killing myself.
Sarah Palin: Listen my foul weather friend, I find your thoughts intriguing, but not in any way interesting. You see John, I have a book deal. So in this race I’m at least guaranteed a silver. I have credibility big time, you betcha.
John McCain: Credibility isn’t something one can bestow upon themselves Sarah. Just ask George W Bush.
Michael Jackson: An unattractive truth John. But right now I have to return to creating my own Doom levels, listening to Insane Clown Posse and creating awesome net handles for myself like VoDKa……
John McCain: Good, because I have a hankering for twice cooked pork bellies.
Sarah Palin: I think I will title my book ‘Sarah Palin. Cowboys, Cockrings and Cold Weather Roofing Techniques”. That should cover most of my demographic appeal.
John McCain: It’s time for me to put my war paint on because I’m buff, hairy and testicaled
Sarah Palin: John, emotional violence can scar more than bullets you know……..
John McCain: That’s why I don’t flinch at the sound of gunfire. What was that? What just happened?. Where did the Viet Cong go?
Michael Jackson: God just asked me to do a lap of honour of heaven – I could be gone for a while.
End dream sequence in my brain. Hard disk full………….
Are Michael Jackson and John McCain the Yoko Ono and Paul McCartney to my John Lennon? – which means they are annoying and bitch all the time while contributing fuck all to my success?
I think aliens are stealing my dreams.
Yours, while being called the next big thing. And not complaining.
Sarah
p.s. Got it. Flaunting it.
Check out my new website – it’s sensible enough to impress any congressional committee: The Sarah Palin Experience
